Failure to Forgive 

MATTHEW 18:21-35

          The title of today’s message is “Failure to Forgive”.  Forgiving those who have hurt, abused, mistreated, deceived or injured us in any way, shape, form or fashion is often the most difficult thing for humans to do.  However, forgiving is one act that we are all required to do and we are required to do it in all circumstances.  Not only are we required to forgive in all circumstances, but we must do so over and over again.  Jesus told Peter here he must forgive the same brother 70 times 7 (or 490) times.  No one is likely to sin that many times against us in one day.  The point Jesus is trying to make is that we should not number or make a list of the sins of others against us and then hold the list against them.  Rather we should make it a habit to forgive.

LUKE 17:3-4

Though Luke says here, “If he repent”, I am not sure that repentance on the part of the offender is a requirement for us as Christians forgiving.  There are too many scriptures on forgiveness where there is no mention of repentance of the offender.  Remember that Christ is our example.  As they parted his clothes and mocked him as he hung on the cross, Luke 23:34 records Jesus saying, “Father forgive them; for they know not what they do.”  There is no evidence that they showed any sign of repentance as they watched the savior die, yet Jesus prayed for their forgiveness letting us know that he had already forgiven them.

EPHESIANS 4:32

          Paul encourages us to forgive one another patterning ourselves after God who forgave us simply for Christ’s sake.  In other words, it was not because mankind warranted or deserved forgiveness that caused God to forgive us.  It was simply the work of Christ.  We must get in the habit of forgiving others simply because we have been forgiven.

MATTHEW 18:21-35

          The parable that Jesus gives here is not only to help us focus on forgiving others but also to help us understand what happens when we fail to forgive.

One reason that we fail to forgive others is that we so easily forget our own short comings.

MATTHEW 18:28-30

          This man quickly forgot that he had recently found himself in the same predicament; unable to pay his debts.  When we fail to forgive we are acting just like this.  We have forgotten the times when we hurt others.  It is as if we think it is okay when we are the offender but it is a problem when others offend us.  We think it is okay because we did not intend to hurt anyone; it just kind of happened.  The truth of the matter is that many times when we are hurt by others they do not set out with the intention of hurting us.  It just happens; maybe because people normally fail to think before they speak or act; maybe because most of us are selfish and think of our own needs before we think of others.  No matter why the offense happened we must still forgive.  When we refuse to forgive we are thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought to.  We have all done things that we need others to forgive us for having done.

          Having an unforgiving spirit is dangerous.  When we fail to forgive others we will normally end up seeking retribution or revenge.

2 SAMUEL 3:26-27 (Tell the story)

          Joab was the captain of David’s army and Abner was the captain of Saul’s army.  These to men were friends when all was well between David and Saul.  After the killing of Saul and his son Jonathan, Abner made another of Saul’s sons, Ishbosheth (I-bo-seth), king of Israel and pledged the support of the army to him.  However, many of the people already believed David to be the next king and followed David.  In a battle between those with allegiance to David, Abner was being chased by Joab’s brother whose name was Asahel (A-sa-hel).  Abner recognizing that Asahel was the brother of Joab, begged him to turn around and quit chasing him because he did not want to kill him.  But the boy persisted, leaving Abner no choice but to kill him.  Sometime later Abner recognizes his error in making Ishbosheth king and makes a league with David promising to help David bring all the people back to the leadership of one king.  Someone tells Joab about Abner’s visit to David and Joab has a fit.  This is the man who killed his brother and stood against David.  How could David forgive such a man?  Joab decides without discussing it with David that he would get revenge and he then tricks and kills Abner.

          When we fail to forgive others we will often consciously or unconsciously seek ways to get back at them. 

ROMANS 12:19

          Paul here says that we are not to avenge ourselves, and thereby give in to our own anger.  Rather we must trust God to deal with our offenders recognizing that he has promised to repay them for the wrong they have done.  Here is where faith and forgiveness merge.  It takes living faith to obey the command to forgive others. Our obedience in forgiving others shows that we are trusting God to take care of the consequences, handle the possible misunderstandings, and work everything out for our good and His glory.  It takes faith on our part because sometimes it may appear that the person is prospering or is unaffected by the wrong they have done.  But remember what we see on the outside is normally not what is happening on the inside.  Also, just as we rarely know the full impact of our actions on others or on our future, we do not know how God will deal with those who offend us.  It is not our task to understand, know of or approve of how God will deal with those who offend us.  It is only our task to forgive them.  We must learn to leave then in the hands of God for all else.

PROVERBS 19:11

          This verse says that a sensible man will act with patience and not get anger.  He will recognize that it is to his glory to forgive a matter and not expose it to other.  This is often just the opposite of what we do.  Not only will we seek retribution but often we want others to know what was done.  Why, because we want to enlist support for the revenge we intend to take or pity for the hurt we have suffered.  The person of strength and faith keeps the matter to himself and has faith that God will vindicate him.

MATTHEW 18:31-34

          When we fail to forgive others we forfeit our own forgiveness.  Because this man would not forgive the little that was owed him, he forfeited the forgiveness of the great debt that he owed.  Because he was hard hearted and could not forgive a little owed to him by one of his fellow servants, he opened himself up for foreclosure on the huge debt he owed the king.  If we are so hard hearted that we cannot forgive one another for the few bumps and bruises they cause us, how can we expect to receive forgiveness for the broken heart we have in the past and sometimes continue to give God? 

MATTHEW 6:14-15

          This passage clearly states the need to forgive others.  When we fail to forgive we forfeit our own forgiveness.  How would you feel if when standing before God in judgment he said, “You know Joe, you did almost everything I asked you to do and there is just this one thing that is hindering me from giving you safe passage into my heavenly kingdom.”  Of course Joe would inquire, “What is that Lord?” God replies, “No matter how much I prompted you, you refused to forgive Paul for stepping on your toe one time when he was shouting.”  “Now I know it was you bad toe, and that it really hurt. And yes I know that Paul did not even have the manners to say excuse me.  I understand all of that Joe, but my word warned that you would have to forgive in order to get forgiveness.  In the face of missing out on heaven, holding a grudge because some one stepped on your toe, or hurt your feelings seems petty.  Well tell me what offense does warrant missing out on heaven.  When we fail to forgive others we are saying that what they have done is more important than eternity with God.

COLOSSIANS 3:13

          The word forbear means to tolerate.  So Paul tells us to tolerate one another and forgive each other.  Since none of us are perfect we must learn how to tolerate, endure, work with, love and forgive one another.  Whatever the quarrel or dissension, forgiveness is the only option.  The longer you wait to get to the point of forgiving the harder it becomes to forgive, and mend broken bridges.  Forgiveness is a choice and the sooner we choose to forgive in any situation the better off we are.

MATTHEW 5:23-24

          If God says to leave his altar, representing the presence of God, when you coming bearing gifts recognizing that your brother has ought against you, what do you think he would say if you come to his altar bearing gifts and harboring unforgiveness against someone.  When we fail to forgive we cut off the blessing of being in the presence of God.  Refusing to forgive is a serious matter.  Because we are commanded to do so, failure to forgive is a sin just like any other sin.  Just like practicing any other sin is open rebellion and should cause one to question their salvation and commitment to God, likewise failure to forgive is open rebellion and calls in question one’s salvation.

MATTHEW 18:35

Mature Christians understand that forgiveness is not a cheap exchange of words, the way squabbling children often flippantly say "I'm sorry" to each other. We must forgive from the heart which means that it must be sincere.  True forgiveness always involves pain; somebody has been hurt and there is a price to pay in healing the wound. Often to facilitate true forgiveness those who are hurt must confront and deal with the pain of their injury.  In other words you cannot swallow, hide or block the pain and successfully forgive.  Often we try to ignore what has happened and convince ourselves that we have forgiven.  True forgiveness is not ignoring the situation but choosing from the heart to seek the offenders highest good in spite of what has happened.  True forgiveness must be motivated by love.  God’s love for us motivated him to provide forgiveness for us and Christ’s love for us caused him to become the method by which our forgiveness could be granted.  When we fail to forgive, we fail to act in love and such a failure is unacceptable to our father.  Let’s not fail in our love one towards another; for such a failure is too costly.  We cannot afford to fail in the area of forgiveness.  The cost of failure is too high if we fail to forgive.